there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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