Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
