So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
