There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
