not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
