dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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