so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
