I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
