I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
