She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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