i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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