I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
