she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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