im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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