our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's rum buckets o'clock
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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