I wish I could punch you in the face.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
