just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
