before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
