Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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