thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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