Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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