if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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