you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
