BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
