Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
