Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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