Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
