It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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