"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm too high and old for this...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
