You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
