Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
