She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
