Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
