why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
