so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
