I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
