HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
