Kiss
Puke
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
