she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize