My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
