So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
