Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
