just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
