He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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