Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
