he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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