dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
