I want to make a zoo with you.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize