I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
