Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize