If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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