the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize