just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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