No stitches, just platelets and will power
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
