Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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