I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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