Already got asked if we're dating
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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