Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
