Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
