He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
