oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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