I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
