she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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