theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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