a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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