I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
