you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
