i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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