trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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