Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think I won the penis lottery.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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