there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
