well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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