Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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