I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
