I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
