I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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