we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
