Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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